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As the sea

 

In my heart I feel the ocean, my palpitations force waves in the sea. I see you there on an island, smiling, waving at me. I throw the currents to the shore, wave upon wave I hurl but there you sit, untouched, unphased, while I unravel. I spin up the ocean bottom, bring up the darkest of creatures and send them to you. Teeth, scales, flesh I use as weapons, thrashing fins fly out from me as blades in a fury. Kelp I used as ropes and whips. And yet, you sit, cross-legged, warmer and brighter. A star, you rise, illuminating the island, the skies and the sea. Cowering, unused to the light, I mercilessly call monsoons from the four corners of the earth, bringing in the wrath of the rain; and it falls, crashing down on the water in thunderous waves, my crystalline tears on the sea. Saddened, you welcome me in to your shelter. Come, this is the way. I churn the blackest stones from the ocean depths, threaten to crush the path you've laid out. Blue, blue, blue, and black are my insides, the sink of my soul. Flow, I flow, bobbing on the tide until I am sick. "Finally," you say. Let yourself fall ill, and I dive. Down, down into the deepest of tunnels where I swim into the nebulous abyss with clouded beings. Lonely they are, as fearful they are, and I am them. They are all me, each inkling of skepticism, each shred of doubt. Surrounding me, they move in to take me, first one by one and then all at once. Defenseless, I give in. I am theirs, drowning in their glory, tentacles around my throat, falling, sinking. Soon, I am enveloped in a pitchy cloak, held in space and time. I am alone and it is quiet. I think, "Here I'll stay as what more could I need? They were right to pull me under, to this better place of at least knowing for certain that I have nothing." And then I feel you and it's pain and it's joy and it's fear, but it's life. I claw through the anchors, barnacles, clasped on to my sides. I bite and tear, my skin rips from me and I am free, wading out of the myriad of caves, through expanse of the sea bottom. Sapphire, turquoise, sky blue, I make my way through layers of grief, up to you. Sea foam, I wash up as you glide down. A warm current, I wash up on the sand to touch your feet. And you smile as you hold out your hand to me.

Qawwali